The Marlins’ Dan Uggla (useless tidbit: his last name means “owl” in Swedish) got us off to a rip-roaring start. Uggla’s first two swings resulted in home runs. After three quick outs, he knocked out two more — both to the left-field seats. Five outs later, he struck again with another deep fly to left, about a dozen rows back. With nine outs, he sent a State Farm “Gold Ball” out to left, so that means a $17,000 donation to the Boys & Girls Clubs of America.

I’ve added this all up, and that’s six first-round homers for Uggla. Who’s the dummy who said a left-handed hitter would probably win this thing?